aiko's otter den

red as the blood you didn't shed - Your name, a long time ago, was Frisk. AU.

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2. II

You do get past her, eventually.

She doesn’t seem to realize that she’s killed you but she cries when you have to go like she did. She hugs you like she hurt you. She hugs you like she is sending you away, rather than you leaving because you’ve decided to. You don’t hug her back. You should, you think. But you think if you do, you won’t leave. So you reach out and pet her snout instead. She laughs, a little sadly, and sends you onward.

You forgive her immediately. You can’t help it. This is the same person but it isn’t. She really just wanted to be sure you would take care of yourself. That’s what she says and you have nothing else to go on, so you believe her.

Chara laughs bitterly and shrugs it off. She’s said that to other children before you, they tell you. I don’t believe it anymore.

You don’t mind.

But what you do mind is the cold. In comparison to the heat. There is wet cold on the ground (snow, says the ghost) and you are suddenly grateful again to Miss Toriel and her offer of shoes, even if they are uncomfortable for your long calloused bare feet. (You like the word, calloused.)

The cave has always been cold, but not like this. This seeps into your bones like a scolding, rather than a lack of warmth.

You miss Rachel, but you feel like you shouldn’t. Like that’s a right for different people, a person who has not been living in a cave covered in darkness or someone who hasn’t died and come back.

Maybe death is making you sad. Maybe dying is making you upset. You should try to die less often.

So you turn your thoughts away from that and keep pressing onward. Because you should still go back. You don’t want her to be scared because you’re gone. You don’t want her to be lonely. You don’t know if that’s your responsibility, but you’d like to hope you can repay her someday for being kind to you.

Chara scoffs.

The flower is back, you realize. Saying things. You square your shoulders and you ignore them.

“What are you going to do when you come face to face with a relentless killer? You’ll die and die and die and then you’ll have to fight! Then you’ll get it!”

You look at the flower and ask, “Why do you care?” and keep walking. Because you don’t understand, but you think he won’t answer you anyway.

But then he does, pops up in front of you and scowls. “Don’t ignore me!”

You stare at the flower. You stare and stare and don’t look away.

Perhaps it’s because death can no longer scare you, now that you’ve lived through it once, so you ask, “Why won’t you kill me? You had a chance and you didn’t.”

Your ghost laughs. You’ve got him there.

Flowey gapes at you. Then he smiles, thousands of teeth in a flower carpels. “You dare to mock a prince?”

“I’m not mocking you,” you say because you aren’t.

You get stared at yourself. You don’t shiver even though it’s cold.

Then the flower says, “You’re a monster yourself, aincha? Most people’d be scared.”

Chara hisses. You frown and keep walking. It’s hard to keep calm with the sensations roiling through your gut but —

You manage. After all, somehow, you don’t think he’s wrong.

---

You’re being watched.

No, you’re being followed.

Don’t speed up, Chara warns. It’s too obvious. And he’s an idiot. He doesn’t mean you any harm.

So far you’re one for two on monsters who actually want to hurt you. Rachel’s explanation on conflict makes less and less sense the longer you’re here. You will have to ask again when you see her.

You pause at what you think is called a bridge. It doesn’t look like it can handle your footsteps.

Then something prickles down your neck. You turn and there is a skeleton staring at you. “Human,” it says. “Doncha know how to greet people? Put ’er there.” And it holds out its hand.

You blink, baffled and unruffled, and reach out to shake it.

A horrible wet sound bursts from where your hands meet and you squawk, leaping over the bridge itself. Then, when you realize nothing’s happened, your palms aren’t bloody and nothing’s hurting, you manage a timid giggle.

“Funny, ennit?” asked the skeleton, who hasn’t stopped grinning.

You giggle again, louder and a bit higher. Like it’s escaping from somewhere that’s not your lungs.

The skeleton grins at you. “Good to know you like a good joke kid. I’m Sans, and you’re a human right?”

You blink and nod, even though you don’t know.

“Cool,” he says, and that grin is starting to be uncomfortable. “So like, I don’t care about humans. But my brother Papyrus, he’s been trying to get one for ages. Wanna play a trick on him?”

You frown and reflex tells you to shake your head no, but… “Is it a mean trick?”

All tricks are mean, idiot, said Chara. You ignore them.

“Nah. He won’t notice a thing. Go hide behind that lamp over there.”

You do, and you listen, while trying your very hardest not to shiver and shrivel up. It’s cold.

Soon another skeleton arrives. He is very loud and very energetic. He feels bright, bright in a way Rachel isn’t, but bright never the less.

And yet he sounds… kind of lonely. He has no friends? None at all? You feel that, feel that in your skin. He should have a friend.

Don’t fall for sad tears, Chara tells you. Some of it’s a buncha bunk. And if it’s not, he’s trying to hunt you. He could even hunt Rachel if you’re not careful.

“Why do you care,” you mouth, rather than say.

Chara is quiet for a while. I wish someone had cared about me like people care about you.

You tilt your head, left so it doesn’t hit the lamp. “Is it too late for me to care about you now?”

… I dunno. Probably. I’m pretty dead.

That’s true but they’re still here, so you’re determined to care about them anyway. And you’re determined to care about this new person too. It just seems right.

…Thanks.

You smile.

---

Three weird puzzles and a dog in a suit of armor later (they are very fluffy and being with them made you quite warm), you are petting one more dog as you reach the side of a bridge.

Things you don’t understand appear from nowhere, all directed at you. Even from this distance, you think that they’ll hurt quite a bit.

You can’t really hear the big guy’s words, because all of it is very loud, but you instead see a little yapping dog held by one of the… you think they’re called ropes?. It’s spinning around in it, looking pleased with itself.

You are filled with the urge to pet.

It barks and the weapons… go away. You’d never seen so many weapons in one place before.

I’m just glad you knew what they were.

Chara is mean.

Sans winks at you as you cross. You wink back. It feels weird. You don’t want to do it again.

But you do have to face Papyrus anyway. He doesn’t want to. You don’t want to. But you go and face him because Rachel will be upset if you’re not there.

Who cares? asks Chara.

You care.

It takes a while. He’s easy to dodge and terribly friendly. But then your SOUL falls

Down.

And it isn’t moving. It’s stiff and heavy and your limbs feel like they’re weighed down with a thousand thousand pies.

And then you lose.

“You’re blue,” said Papyrus without a hint of smugness. “That’s my attack.”

This is going to take a while, you realize.

---

I hate him, Chara tells you after your fifth time in what is apparently like a dog house. You’re getting colder and colder. Your clothes are wet from being tramped in and out of snow and near heat. The constant changes hurt your skin and make your teeth chatter and asking the other monsters help is met with earnest bewilderment. Some kindness, you’d found gold that you can spend and they give you food (it tastes good) and some woolen things, but all the nice things Miss Toriel gave you feel like they’ll fall apart like your sheet did.

“You’re very sweet,” say a couple of monsters. “But we don’t want to get in the way of the Royal Guard. Thank you for not hurting us though.”

Or they talk about things that you don’t really understand because while you’re playing with Papyrus, he doesn’t seem to understand that his idea of play can hurt. You want to tell him so. He doesn’t mean it. That stuff doesn’t matter right now.

They’re such sheep, says Chara dismissively. Don’t worry about it.

You wish you had your sheet back so you could sleep. You could sleep if you could cover your face and hands and then being blue wouldn’t be so bad.

You give up and doze, you’re so tired. Everything hurts. Tears fill your eyes.

You can do this. I believe in you.

“You do?” you mouth at Chara, huddling against the side of the building that’s the least cold.

Someone has to.

You smile. You’ve heard the words before, you’ve never understood them up until now, but they fill you with determination all the same. You want to live up to Chara’s expectations.

You open your eyes to the sound of a yapping dog. (You’ve learned so much so far, and it can’t be the end.) The dog waggles and whuffs and you feel a rush of warmth from Chara and into you. You weakly open your arms to it, and it yaps eagerly, rocketing to your side. It climbs onto your knees and settles. You rest your fingers on its fur and stroke.

You cry and you don’t know why you are crying.

Chara huffs at you but doesn’t seem mad.

I want to be friends with Papyrus, you think. And the thought fills you with courage.

You think someone is watching you when you drift off to sleep, but Chara is with you. They would tell you if it was a bad thing or a bad person. That’s what they do. They warn you as best as they can, help you as much as they can and correct your attempts from Rachel’s teachings.

If Rachel is your light, then Chara is your guide in the darkness.

You awake freezing, but more determined than ever.

But you refuse to fight Papyrus. You dodge, you make soft comments that stumble out of your mouth as Papyrus giggles and insists you have to be taken to the king.

Your SOUL clatters to the floor with your exhausted, aching knees but you refuse to stay down this time. Slowly you manage to jump. You manage to step to the side of bones. And slowly, it gets easier. You collapse a few more times into the snow, into the steam, so you shut your eyes and you give up on them.

“Chara,” you whisper. “Please see for me.”

“I gotcha.”

And you make yourself relax. You can do this. You can wait it out. You just have to be patient.

And your SOUL thrums cyan and warm and reflective.

You are filled with Determination.

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